just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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