Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
