I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
