How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
