I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
