How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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