I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
