woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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