erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
