Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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