Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
