That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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