and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize