Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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