Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
