So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
