Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
