I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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