Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
