I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
