How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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