apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
