ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
