he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
