Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
