i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My feet surprised me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
