So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
