I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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