I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
