i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
