I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
