I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
