In the future we'll all be gay
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
