Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
