At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
