You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need a beard to bite.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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