I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
