life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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