i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
