My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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