this beer tastes like vomit already
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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