Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
