lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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