Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm really busy with my period
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