i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize