I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
