I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
