I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
