yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
