It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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