a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
