can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
