not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
