i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All the doctor said was why
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
