Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
