also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
