U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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