Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
