i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
